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I mean, so much Yesssssss!
They said:
… that phrase "from the one person who is duty is explicitly to care" - Patriarchal and Capitalist in the same way, you and I were talking about the other day .
See how smart my clients are?!
They went on to discuss the criticism women face:
Damned if we do, Damned if we don't.
You know:
Too high maintenance or too frumpy.
Too uptight or too loud
Too frugal or a spendthrift
Too virginal or too whoreish
We see it especially in the mother-daughter relationship because there's now TWO WOMEN to analyze.
Mother's issues are never about their daughters.
They're about past wounds.
They're about catastrophic projected fears.
They're about maintaining other people's perceptions of themselves.
As children, we perhaps didn't know that we're being raised by imperfect humans, who are carrying their own hurts.
When we accidentally, innocently, naively internalize those issues, they can create long lasting effects on how we see ourselves and how we deal with money.
It matters.
It matters because some of our subconscious and unconscious beliefs that we feel shame and anxiety and guilt about are not even in alignment with our own values.
Our thoughts shape our behavior, the way we show up in the world.
For ourselves, for our possibility of what's possible for us, for our money and for our relationships.
When we dump it all, like a dumping out our purse on an empty surface, we can sort through it all and decide what to keep because we like it, it benefits us, it aligns with our conscious values and priorities.
"Dumping out the purse" is a metaphor I use often in my coaching sessions.
We pull it all out, look at it all in, organize our information into columns, disect where it's all coming from.
Next, we can take the trash and toss it because it's just standing in our way of getting what we want - and we didn't' even know THAT's the origin of the remnants we still participate in today. That's a no for me.
Then, we can refill our empty pen cartridges and stock clean tissues and lip balm.
We can smooth and organize our dollar bills to face the same direction.
We can polish our leather with conditioner and spritz in essential oils, by taking old beliefs and rewriting them to better serve our purposes. Maybe we don't want to totally discard it, but we do want to make adjustments.
As a child, we absorbed information around us, unknowingly.
As an adult, we get to rethink how we want to interpret that information.
We get to decide what to think and believe.
We get to choose how to act and "behave" - or not!
Societal and cultural and familial programming comes up in money coaching all the time, in unexpected, spontaneous ways.
We take the time to feel those big emotions, we unpack the layers.
And from that calm and creative space, we can choose to be kinder.
First to ourselves, then to others.
The less judgement we have for ourselves, the less judgement we have for other people, the less judgement we have for other people, the less judgement we have for ourselves.
It's a cycle that returns and repeats.
A gift that continues to give.
It may or may not be clear how that could affect your relationship with your money (it will!), but may be starting to see how we can begin the transformative, generational change work of being kinder to mothers and daughters.
If you're interested in learning more and getting coached live, check out the upcoming workshops below. Your Mother, Your Money Role Model, and Becoming the Change.
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